"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
