i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
