I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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