I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
