I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
