How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
