god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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