I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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