Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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