Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Olympian is in my bed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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