theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
