I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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