You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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