mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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