So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
