she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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