arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You ruined the universe
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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