You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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