how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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