I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nutella sex= disaster
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
