Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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