Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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