her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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