I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
