if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
