Why are handjobs necessary in class?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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