it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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