Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
