You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
