I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
