You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
