Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
