seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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