Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
