I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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