Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
