please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
