We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
