do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
