11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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