umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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