I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
