It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
