Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
