Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
