I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just google imaged poop.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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