Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
