pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
