I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
