There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
