You can't motorboat a personality
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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