this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
