she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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