was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
