Its about making memories worth repressing
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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