The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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