I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
